Restaurant jokes
Waiter: "Here you go, one medium-rare steak."
Me: "I like it well done."
Waiter: "Thanks, that means a lot!"
What do you call it when Panera Bread gets painted red?
Panera Red.
A burger walks into a bar and says, "Hi sir, can I have a glass of water?"
And the waiter says, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve food here."
What's long and black?
The line at Popeyes.
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
Want to save 50% on your Chinese?
Just ask before you pay.
What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?
Panera instead.
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”
Person 2: “Seven.”
Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”
Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”
(Based on an encounter I had recently)
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
What do you call the bell at the Asian restaurant?
I'm ta ping it, some ting won.
Do you want drugs? Buy KFC; poor people.
You telling me Julius Caesar, who has been dead for well over 50 years, made this salad?
* Sans at Sans' favorite restaurant* Sans: Hey, Frisk, what do you eat today?
Frisk: One knife, plz.
Sans: Ok, one knife, plz.
Waiter: You eat a knife?
Frisk: Yes.
*Waiter asking for one knife*
Waiter: Here you go.
Frisk: Thanks you.
What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate?
"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?"
What did the Twin Towers order for dinner?
Two large planes.
People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.
Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!
A pancake and an egg walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast.”
Donald Trump has been banned from Panera.
Guy 1: Hey, can you stop making 9/11 jokes? My dad died during it.
Guy 2: Sorry, I will stop. What was your dad?
Guy 1: The pilot. He saw a KFC and wanted it, so, well, you know.