What do you do when you're sad?
Nothing, because you are just crying about something happening to you.
A depressed guy walks into a bar and says, "Can I get shot?"
The bartender then says, "You mean, can you get a shot, right?"
The bartender then says, "Well... what drink would you like?"
The depressed guy then responds with, "No, I really want to get shot."
Whoever says a joke "is not a joke" should go commit bye die.
I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂
Say, "Hey, you're pretty." Then she'll say, "OMG, thank you so much," or something cringe. Then you say, "Pretty f***ing ugly, aha, gottie!"
You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?
Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"
BF: Babe, I have two questions.
GF: Ok, ask!
BF: Where have you been all my life?
GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?
BF: Can you please go back there?
Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.
Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?
They'll say "yea."
Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."
My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.
I saw a little boy sitting on a curb wearing rags.
I said: "Aww, are you an orphan?"
And he responded with "Yeah. What gave me away?"
And I said: "Your parents."
Hope this is good!
Little boy asked his dad why he was born black.
Father replied, "So the heat from the sun doesn't burn your skin."
Then he asks, "Why is our hair all frizzy like fuse wire?"
"So the coconuts when falling from the trees won't hurt you."
"Then what are we doing living in Rochdale? (England)"
Grandma isn’t responding. Close app, wait, cancel.
Which do you choose?
This homeless lady called me ugly, so I told her, "Okay, then I'm going home."
Rapist: Rape doesn't hurt anybody.
Victim: (Implied response indicating the rapist is wrong)
My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's joking.
9/11 called for help. What did that get? Nothing.
