Religion jokes
Why did the orphan go to church?
To finally call someone father. 😂😂
What’s the difference between God and Hitler?
God made thousands of bread, Hitler made thousands of toast.
A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.
What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.
Why did God create sex for marriage?
Because he wanted more people and less fun.
Where does a banana learn to split?
At sundae school!
Why don't the Amish water ski?
The horses would drown.
You are so ugly, when the devil saw you, he said, "Jesus Christ!"
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? The rabbi cuts it off, and the priest sucks it off.
Electricity.
What's the difference between Axne and a priest??
One waits till you're 13 to come on your face.
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down.
Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.
And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.
What is the difference between a priest and a doctor?
The doctor doesn't like to give physicals.
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
What do you call a reverse exorcism?
It's where a demon pulls a priest out of a child.
What is the true meaning of Christmas?
Stealing presents from orphans - a quote by Technoblade.
Bible Verse of The Day - For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.
—Romans 8:15-16
Steven Hawking said there is no God,
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.
God made Adam and Eve. Satan made Adam and Steve.
God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.
Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.
God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.
Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!
God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)
Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)
God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!
God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........
God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.