Religious Belief jokes

Why did you always see Michael Jackson wearing two white gloves?

Because masturbation is against Michael Jackson's religious beliefs.

Why won't an atheist convert to the religion of Islam? Because being on the sex offender list is the only requirement to be a Muslim according to the Arabic religion of Islam.

I don't have a joke about Christianity.

I don't want to get crucified.

Heterosexual sodomy is like religion. If you were forced to accept it when you were younger, you probably would not like it when you become an adult.

A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him.

"What are you doing?!" exclaims the priest.

"There is nothing on this Earth for me," the Muslim says. "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

The priest shakes his head.

"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" he says.

"Follow me, I'll take you to the local primary school."

I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."

I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"

I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.

Which makes me an eighth-theist.

One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?" the priest asks. "Christian kittens," the little girl answers.

Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way.

A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box," he says, "It's the cutest thing!"

The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens," she says.

The priest rushes forward and says, "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were 'Christian kittens!!!'"

"They were," she says. "Now their eyes are open."