Religion jokes
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?
Boy's pants are half off.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they have someone to call "Father."
Why do orphans love going to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
Jesus takes his disciples to a bar.
"13 pints of water, please," he says to the barman.
"Oh, fuck, not you again," the barman replies.
"You boys are about to see something real special," says Jesus.
You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish.
Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA
A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"
The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."
Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."
Mama is so Catholic, Swiss cheese wishes it was as holy as she is. Do you...
Your hairline goes so far back that it had dinner with Jesus.
What did God say when he made the Black human? Oh no, I burnt another one!
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
What do Middle Eastern suicide bombers say before they blow up?
I weel sho u wot da bom bom is! ALLAH!
The only reason communism started was because God looked at your face.
What's the difference between a priest and a rapist?
The phrase “Muslim women live in one of the hottest countries in the world and they can’t even expose their legs” has two meanings.
What is the difference between a priest and McDonald's? Nothing, they both stick their meat in between 12-year-old buns.
What is a similarity between priests and doctors?
They both have fetishes for their professions.
They don't call priests "daddy," they call me daddy.
Why did the orphan grow up to be a priest?
So he could be called Father Les.