Religion jokes

What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?

A holy CUMmunion.

They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.

Man: How tall is a penguin?

Bartender: About three foot, why?

Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!

Poor car.

God, you’re having a good day?

Me: Yes, beats burning in hell.

What did the racist Catholic priest say?

"Martin Luther? Not my king!"

What do you call a Muslim bee?

Habibee.

Your mama is so old, she made a book bigger than the Bible about her life.

What's a priest's favorite toy?

A mute little boy.

Yo mama so old, she pre-ordered the Bible.

Bro, if you think about it, your mom and God have one thing in common... They're both big.

Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

What's a little white dot on a priest's dick? A baby tooth.

I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.

I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣

POV: You are a passenger on September 11th, 2001, and you see the pilots wearing a Muslim turban.

Your mama is so fat, even God couldn't raise her spirit.

Your mama is so ugly.

The Buddhist monks broke their vow of silence.

Your mama is so old, her first Christmas, she was a Wiseman's +1.

Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.

When God gives you glory, you give it back.

You are so ugly, when the devil saw you, he said, "Jesus Christ!"