I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
Science flies you to the moon, but religion flies you into skyscrapers.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? - Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and Acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.
What is Jesus' favorite gun?
A nail gun.
Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage.
Lettuce pray.
Why doesn't Jesus buy beer?
Hebrews.
Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
Palm Sunday.
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
What's the most fun a monk can have?
Nun.
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.
Whats the difference between a Silver Medal and a Priest?
They both came in a little behind.
What do you call a drunken Muslim?
Mohammered.
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?
Because they don't believe in higher powers.
