How do you kill a Hindu? PRESS THE RED BUTTON.
Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?
Because he has holes in his feet.
Ctrl, Alt, Deletus, because of thine fetus.
Mom, what happens if you swear at a church?
Well, honey, a tee posing nun with glowing red eyes and nunchucks will beat you.
Where does a banana learn to split?
At sundae school!
Why can't religious women be raped? Because they are taught to never say no!
Why did the child die? To see God, our father.
Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"
Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"
God says, "You are what you are."
Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."
Lucifer is caged by Jesus, cuz he got tired of being alone on a pedestal.
If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?
What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus
The picture gets hung with one nail not two
Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?
Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."
Therapist: That's not so bad.
Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."
God = what I hope to be.
Devil = what I can't accept.
I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.
I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?
Satanism is such an ugly word. I prefer the term, "red skin appreciation."
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.
At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!
Remember, the confession booth is not a glory hole.
What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.
