Religion jokes
This isn't a joke.
There was a homeless family in need of a room, but the guy said no more rooms because they were homeless. So, they got into a barn, and the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, that little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.
JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!
Q: What do you call a religious Wookie?
A: Jewbacca.
A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"
One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."
Why did the cow steal an AK-47?
He was a mooslim.
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? The rabbi cuts it off, and the priest sucks it off.
Why aren't there any closets in southern churches? Closets have coat hangers.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
I got a joke.
Allahu Akbar!
Why is a tree brown?
If you are thinking about this, you are racist.
What did Adam say when he saw Eve?
Answer: "Woman!"
God sent gays to fix overpopulation. Until they ended same-sex marriage.
A man walks up to a priest. The man says, "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says, "No, you are not my son." The man says, "Follow me." The man walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back!"
Jesus created the T-pose first.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun that fell down the stairs.
What's black, white, and laughing?
The nun that pushed her.
Crucifixion was the first T-pose.
It took Jesus 3 days to respond.
Worst lag ever!
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.
"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"
And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.
"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"
And so he did.
They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:
Thou shalt not f... altar boys.
What did the angel say when it went to heaven? Well, halo there!
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”