Religion jokes
I only believe in 12.5% of the bible. I'm an EIGTHeyist.
The holy water in this church is of the highest quality: it has been assed by the bishop.
Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.
When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"
God better hope they got an elevator to Heaven.
How do you make holy water?
You take it to church ⛪️
Why does Santa not have any children?
He only cums once a year.
What do McDonald's and priests have in common?
They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.
What does Christian say when he wants out of jail?
"Bale me out!"
What's the difference between a pope/preacher and acne?
Acne comes on your face when you're 13.
Why do Indian men marry fat women?
Because they worship cows.
What do McDonalds and priests both do?
They both put their meat between 10-year-old buns.
Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.
I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.
Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
What happens when you throw an underage boy between two Catholic priests?
They fight and... You know the rest.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.
Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.
...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."
I was talking to a close friend that was Islamic.
He said he was being shipped to an amazing training.
I asked, "Where are you going?"
He said, "Camp Bin Laden."
I asked, "What do they do there?"
He answered, "They got bomb training and hand to hand combat training. Plus they got arts and crafts."
I asked, "What do you mean by arts and crafts?"
He said, "See this towel on my head?" I nodded. "I made it out of boxer jokes."