Relationship jokes

A guy says to his dog, "Where are you?" The dog was actually dead, bro.

Why can't an orphan be gay?

They have no one to call daddy.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy."

The woman said stop, but the man kept going, so the wife just kept fucking.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get to the house. They turned the lights out. Jill shouts, "It's a dildo, WTF?"

My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach.

She asked me "Why the hell did you do that?!?!?" "I wanted to let you know I'm pro abortion."

I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."

Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?

Little Johnny: "Your wife."

I fell in love with my teacher.

Which is weird because I am home schooled.

What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?

They can both squirt out their cum.

I wish my ex-wife would take me back. :(

What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.

Are you still a virgin?

If you do IT

With no one?

Hey, if you've watched Twilight with Edward, Bella, and Jacob, then here's something for you.

Do you think Bella should have gotten with Jacob? I think she should have, ngl.

Teacher: "Hey, James, this is the third time I asked you a question!"

James: "But you told me not to answer you back!"

There was 1 gay guy, who kissed 4576 gay guys. Then had sex with them, creaming so hard, all of the dicks cumming on his face.

Then he stopped and had sex again x6, now he was left with...

My mom said she would miss me if I committed suicide, so we made it double.

Why are orphans gay? To call someone "daddy."

Who wants to be my boyfriend, please?

Hi guys, jokes for sister.

So I was listening to a song about "I hate you, are annoying, sister. I'm small and I'm smart," and when I showed it to her, she killed me, and later I was dancing and crying.