Relationship jokes
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I know a pedophile,
And he says he knows you.
A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.
The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:
"Num num num num num!"
Dani: Hey, do you like rapists?
Tess: No!
Dani: Oh, well I'm a rapist!
Tess: Oh!
What do you call a boy in your mom?
Your dad.
Why can’t orphans have sex? Because they have no one to call "daddy."
lol
You were amazing... Sike I lied, that pussy is dry.
I fucked your girl.
Rhydon- son.
Rhydon? - mum.
RHYDON DEEZ NUTS! - son.
Jeez, ur like ur father in bed- mum.
XD
Lady: I am going to come to your house.
Man: Ok.
An hour later, the lady is at the man's house. The man meets her outside of the house.
Man: You are going to cum to my house!
And then he fucks her.
Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"
The difference between women and beer is that beer makes you happy for nothing, why women make you angry for nothing.
FRIEND: Hey, want to come to my house?
LONELY ORPHAN/TRUMP: Want to come to my orphange?
FRIEND: Dude, I'm blocking you!
LONELY ORPHAN: :(
My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."
One day Jack and Jill went up a hill. Jack got Jill drunk and horny, then took her to a hotel because Jack wanted to suck and lick her candy stick.
Jack took Jill up a hill to have a picnic, but Jack and Jill got drunk. They then Jill unzipped Jack's fly, then said, "You know you want me to."
He said yes, so she took off her dress and bra. Jack took his pants and shirt off too. They both went in the well together and played a game: Jack's candy stick in Jill's candy stick. Next, Jill was sucking Jack's candy stick while Jack licked and sucked her candy stick, then Jill sat on Jack's candy stick while making out.
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
Tesco's slogan is "Every little helps."
Well, their bag did a wonderful job on suffocating my wife.
What borders on stupidity?
Scotland and the EU.
Does it make me gay if I kiss your dad and he decides to drill my ass?
My friend misspelled "Mexico" and got here.
He sucked his sister's poop hole.