Relationship jokes
Say, "Moommy."
My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Today, I asked my phone "Siri" why am I still single, and it activated the front camera.
What do you call your mom?
Monkey.
Your mama is so stupid.
Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."
Your mama is so fat, guys have to bring climbing equipment to have sex with her.
Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.
Your mama is so fat. Her high school picture is an aerial photograph.
Your mama is so ugly, her shadow got a restraining order.
By the time I ran my wife over with my car, I had to stop for gas twice.
Your mama is so ugly! It took your dad 15 years to return from getting milk.
what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?
sue the dating site for matching her with him.
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
My friends told me to stop making suicide jokes, so I hanged on.
They say they'll stay, but I left first.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.
I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.
Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."