My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
Recently I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker down town in Manhattan, New York thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.
How did the blind girl get a date? She said it was love at first sight
How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.
Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.
20 years of sex in the dark, the wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick." The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch."
Face-Timing My Girlfriend:
̈Hey girl! Are you a veterinarian? Because these puppies are sick! ̈ *shows muscle*
what did Chris Brown say when he saw Rhianna
"I'd hit that"
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.
My girlfriend asked me to tell a joke. I told her to look in the mirror. We never met again
What’s the difference between a loser and a paper? A girl actually dates the paper.
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father in law
What is a pedophile's favourite dating site? Kinder
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute (C), delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H)." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
My Sex Life
What's the best part about plowing your cousin?
- It makes your sister jealous.
What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife?
The first is easier to bury.
wyatt is a guy who still doesn't have a girlfriend because he didnt sit with yanely and jasmine at lunch. funny joke huh
What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message
My girlfriend said she wanted to be pampered. I told her I wasn't into diaper fetishes.
