For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
Girl, you are so ugly that when you look in the mirror, it shatters, more than your relationship.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
I love telling jokes about orphans. I mean, what are they going to do about it? Tell their parents?
One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.
The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)
At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
A father came to his daughter's 18th birthday. He finally came.
Her name was Lola.
She was a loner.
At the Copa.
Then I saw her,
And I got a boner.
The next morning,
She couldn't remember if I banged her.
Her Name was Lola. She was a loner. At the Copa I saw her And I just wanted to bone her!
Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.
My friend dumped me, so I stole their wheelchair.
Have a guess who came crawling back?
Are you George Floyd?
'Cause baby, you take my breath away... OOF!
Why did he kill himself?
Because he is adopted to a fat man who farts.
Why are lesbians so bad at math? They can't multiply.
My teacher gave me an A in Physics, then she tells me that it turns guys on.
Straight men change their girlfriends like they change their undies. So, about once a month.
"Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"
"My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."
I know your name is baller cause I'm gonna put my baller into yo MOTHER HOLLER!
