Relationship jokes

Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.

My Mrs is going to hit the roof when she realizes I've replaced the bed with a trampoline!

What can you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing that you haven't told her twice already.

My girlfriend told me she used to be a Christian. I asked her why she isn't anymore and she said she liked the name Christina better.

Why did the emo break up with her boyfriend?

He didn't wanna hang out.

I have fuck and sex with all the sexy naked ladies and they suck my balls (penis), but you ain't have no girlfriend. Your only friend, they call him ching chong coz of your hairline.

You're so hot!

Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.

You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"

Then I start to think I was the problem :(

Just kidding, fuck that asshole!

When you see your mom.

Me: bruh

Her: Are you serious right now bro?

Me: Yeah no shit.

Her: *slaps me*

You twin towers because I'm tryna ram in you tonight.

Why can't an orphan get married? It doesn't have its parents' blessing.

P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.

What does ATM stand for?

Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.

😂🤣

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You look like Shrek, And you make me peck.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I need your peach, and I'll torture you with a speech.

My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.

Yo mama so fat she got married by 20 men, but they think there's only one side of her! I tried making one of my own.

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

I saw your mom beat you.

Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.