New Relationship Jokes - Page 208

GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?

Me: My sister.

SWEET HOME ALABAMAA

Why did Stephen Hawking's wife leave him? She was sick of buying triple A batteries.

My girlfriend's last words:

"I can’t wait to become a mom!"

I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!

Why did the orphan not have a girlfriend?

Because he thought that she would leave him too.

When I become a parent, I’m gonna regurgitate my food to feed my children.

It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.

Max Heart and his gay cousin Nickals Amoto say I back out of a fight. When he said let's fight, then last minute he said he doesn't want to, then says I chickened out. I [was] ready to fight, but his gut [was] swollen [and] his arms [were]. He actually looks like Humpty Dumpty, but [I] just wanted to say he backed out + Max and Nickals are both gay with each other.

A kid came from school. His mother said, "What did you do in school?" The boy replied, "I had sex with my teacher." She said, "OH MY GOD, GO TO YOUR ROOM, WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD COMES!" He waited, then his dad walked in and said, "Your mother told me what you did. I'm proud of you, son. Let's go buy you a bicycle." When they arrived to the store, the dad said, "Try out and see which seat is the comfortable." The boy said, "I can't, my butt is sore." Dad said, "Why is your butt sore?" The Boy said, "Because I had sex with my teacher."

I carried a magnet, then people found me very attracting.

What’s the best thing about sex with 119 year olds? There are 100 of them.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Two gay lovers find out they are brothers.

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.

What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?

An outlaw is wanted.

"Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" "It's Dave!"

"Dave who?"

Dave bursts into tears, realizing that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

One man's trash is another man's treasure.

Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you were adopted.

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?

Nothing, he just started wanking.

When Lexa took Clarke out on a date, she walked past the candle shop, and she bought all the candles. After the date, they went back to the Heda's (Commander's) Tower, which is basically a huge candle. "All I wanna do is Candle you!"