Relationship jokes
My friend thinks he is funny.
He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.
So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.
He'll probably leave her alone now.
He doesn't eat vegetables.
O Dario tem namorada?
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
Do you like me? Joke... Well come on!
BOOMSHACKALATA!
There’s no "I" in "sex," but there’s a "U" in "cum."
Rock, paper, lesbians.
When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.
Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!
My best friend ran away with my wife. I really miss him.
Ur mum gay.
What is a threesome with 3 guys?
Gay sex and a witness.
My dad and I have been playing hide and seek.
It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.
Not sure if domestic violence joke or penis size joke...
So, my mom has hit me with a flip flop when I was bad, and when I cheated on my girl, right when the other girl came in, a flip flop came flying in the room.
Child: I am hungry.
Dad: Hi hungry, I am dad!!!
Child: *groans* *walks away*
My girlfriend passed away recently.
At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.
Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: .....it...
Friend: No
Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!
Friend: Why are you like this?