Relationship jokes
I was looking for my sister... I looked down at my feet and saw her.
Fun fact: If you're an orphan, you probably don't know your parents.
Are you a volcano? Because you're hot and I really lava you!
Remember that 18 year old girl I set you up with?
Why not?
Too old.
Jackie gives better head than Marilyn.
Me: *gives her 5 dollars* Climb that flag pole. Cute female: *takes the money and goes up the flag pole* Is this good? Me: Hell yeah, that's a nice view.
*Next day* Here's 10 dollars if you do it again. *She goes up there* Me: How's the view? *She goes home and her mom sees the money* Her mom: Where you getting this money? Her daughter: I climbed a flagpole. Her mom: You know he just wants you to see your panties, right? *She goes back and does it again but doesn't wear panties* Me: Holy shit ;-; Her mom: Did you do it again? Her daughter: Don't worry, Mom, he didn't get to see my panties. Her mom:...
My mom is gay.
I love to play catch with my dad! He's never there to catch the ball, though.
"Emmy and Thomas sitting in a tree."
When I ask my dad if I got adopted, he said, "Not yet, no one wants you."
Why did Anna give Carson a blowjob?
He made her.
Why did Morgan’s dad leave her?
She kept making dad jokes.
What did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said, "I'm gonna break your heart?"
He says, "Go ahead, you're not breaking my 206 healthy bones!"
Mom
Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.
Rhydon- son.
Rhydon? - mum.
RHYDON DEEZ NUTS! - son.
Jeez, ur like ur father in bed- mum.
XD
Why does the sun get a lot of girls? Because it's hot.
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home ;)
Orphan: Just two things I don’t have.
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Fuck you you rwind my life.