Relationship jokes
What is happening? Which is better: being loved or being hated? State your answer.
Dmitriy has no mother.
I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.
I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good, he died to a landmine.
Couldn't believe how much of a bad mood my work mate was in this morning. So I decided to ask him what was the matter and if everything was OK with his wife, Flo.
He then broke down crying and said when he got home the night before, he caught his wife in bed with the plumber. I tried to console him as best as I could, but he just couldn't get over flow.
What do women and dog turds have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Guess why orphans can't be gay? Cause they have no one to call Daddy.
Why can't an orphan go to a family reunion?
It has no family.
One day, Johnny told his dad that a girl in his class liked him. He thought she was cute. She said, "Aw, you're like candy!" He didn't say anything. He said, "Why don't you think I am sweet like candy?" Little Johnny said, "Well, sometimes I get a toothache, and it hurts, so I stop eating it, like I stopped liking you."
The boyfriend says to the explosive dude: "You're the bomb!" The explosive dude says: "Wow, that was Whitty."
If I fall in love with my depression, maybe it'll leave me too.
(Took this from my other account @Toby :) btw)
Two brothers play on the street. One of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is, they go to their mum and ask what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately.
Guys go back to the yard, surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: "Why did mum get so angry?" The other: "I have no idea, thankfully we did not tell her that we've eaten the yogurt inside!"
Why do orphans love Dom Toretto?
Because "family is everything!"
My girlfriend calling me: I'm home alone ;)
Me: I know, you always are...
I hate it when couples get into a little fight and they change their Facebook status to "single." I have fights with my parents, but I don't change my Facebook status to "orphan."
Have you ever seen that weird ad that pops up at the bottom: sexy Russian babes looking for men older than 30, and they're 18, so is it a reverse pedo? Oh well.
I like telling dad jokes.
He laughs at most of them.
Jack and Jill went up the hill, Had some fun. She forgot her pill, And now we have Jonny!
Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?
A: “Holes gonna be big.”