Relationship jokes
Roses are red, violets are purple, lay in my bed so I can suck your nurple.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't know who to call daddy.
Friend: You're adopted.
Orphan: At least I was chosen!
Friend: At least I was kept.
You're losing all your friends, but never any calories.
Do you know what's the difference between a knife and a girl's argument?
A knife has a point.
"Yol, what do you think about sex?"
"Good."
Life is like a penis, women make it hard.
Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.
I remember I met an orphan. He asked, "Can I suck your thumb?" I said, "Why?" Because "that'd be pig."
This ole boy that's locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her, and she said, "Well, fuck you, I don't need you no more anyway. I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me."
He said, "Well, honey, that's the least of my worries. I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin' to fuck me."
This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"
I like the satisfying sounds of your butt being spanked.
A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"
My friend Harry.
Hey, yesterday I played with my sister. When I woke up, she was gone.
Some marriages can make short people look like Shaquille O'Neal.
My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."
Gays: I like men.
Straights: I like women.
Russia: Hole is hole.
What do you call a group of brothers who fuck one another?
Super Smash Bros.
What do lovely men and tampons have in common?
Both lick up the juices of the women they were made for.