Relationship jokes

"Hey, is that a peach?"

*gets slapped on the butt*

"Noted."

A man has been dating a girl forever. He finally says, "I love you." The girl says, "Aww, thanks." The man looks at her, "Are you not gonna say it back?" The girl says, "No, I can’t."

One day I caught my sister talking to my girlfriend, and she said, "You never told me you're lesbian." I said, "No, not at all." My girlfriend asked, "Why did you not tell her?" and I said, "Because every time I bring a girl home, I hear too much noise in her room, and I never get the chance to kiss them because she's cleaning the trash." She said, "Yeah, the trash is her junk."

I have trash so I throw it at my sister and say that she is a trash can.

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

What do girls after sex with Pinocchio?

Wash off the birch sap from the face.

"Know, know how there."

"Lesh, lesh how can you at lesh remember my name?"

Secretly, I’m a woman catfishing gay men on Grindr. When a notification from the app went off, my son told me, “I’ve heard that sound. Daddy has that game, too!”

I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.

Why in Alabama people don't use doggy style... Cuz you don't turn your back to your family.

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it leaves and never comes back...

Why can’t orphans be gay?

They have nobody to call "daddy."

If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?

What does a relationship and suicide have in common?

I always fail on committing.

Teacher: What's 55 flowers plus 67 flowers?

Kid: A garden?

Teacher: Did I tell you that you're adopted?

I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.

Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?

Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

Why did my [redacted] a girl because she said, "Uh."

A guy is at his locker, and a girl comes and says, "Hey, I love you."

He says, "Okay, cool." She then replies and says, "Well, what do you think about our love?" He says, "Count the stars."

Then she says, "Oh, infinity!" and he replies with, "Nope, it's just a waste of time."