Red jokes

What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.

What's black, white, and red all over?

A nun in a blender.

Roses are red, violets are blue, gum makes me beautiful, but what happened to you?

What's pink, red, and silver and bumps into walls?

A baby with forks in its eyes.

What's the difference between Mars and Africa? Mars has water.

What is red and shaped like a bucket?

A red bucket.

Roses are red, violets are bl-- oh yeah, I'm bad at jokes.

How do you kill a Hindu? PRESS THE RED BUTTON.

What is black and white and red all over?

Answer: A newspaper.

That is what my 3-year-old told me.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.

I dipped my hand in red food dye, so I said, "Looks like I’ve been caught red-handed!"

Mum: Why are roses red?

Child: Stop, Mum, you never make jokes.

Mum: I made you.

When do you go on red and stop at green?

A watermelon.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Polo G is the goat, but that means nothing to you.

Roses are red, violets are blue.

My heart is dead because of you.

Actually, not because of you... because of your face.

Little Red Riding Hood has to deliver food to her grandma again. She can drive now because she is sixteen. One the way, she accidentally took the wrong way and got to a different forest where her grandma lives now. She found the wrong cottage that looked like her grandma's home. When she opened the door, she found her younger and older sisters of ages 9, 11, 18, and 22. How old is Little Red Riding Hood?

Answer: 16

What is black, white, and red all over?

A dead zebra 🦓

What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over?

A corpse, of course!

Roses are red, my cum is blue, I'll wait till you're asleep to rape you.

So, Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC's. So he goes home and asks his mom, who's cooking, "What's the first letter of the ABC's?" He asks, and his mom responds with "SHUT UP... I'M COOKING!"

So then he walks to his sister, who's singing in the shower, and asks her, "What's the 2nd letter of the ABC's?" She responds with "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" Then he walks over to his brother, who's watching Batman, and asks, "What's the 3rd letter of the ABC's?" and his brother responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then he proceeds to walk to his dad, who's watching football, and asks, "Dad, what's the 4th letter of the ABC's?" and he responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" Then he walks to his grandma, who's cooking buns, and asks her, "What's the 5th letter of the ABC's?" and she responds with "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!" Then Johnny proceeds to go to school the next day, and the teacher says to her class, "Can any of you tell me the first letter of the ABC's?" Johnny, of course, raises his hand, and the teacher calls on him. Then he says, "SHUT UP I'M COOKING!" Then the teacher raises and eyebrow and says, "Young man, are you ready to go to the principal's office?" Then he proceeds to say, "I'm ready to go, I'm ready to go!" and he walks to the principal's office. Then she says, "What's your name, son?" He responds with "Nu nu nu nu Batman!" Then the principal asks, "How many spankin's, boy?!" He responds with "95 HIT EM HARD!" and after that, he runs out of the principal's office while yelling "MY BUNS ARE RED HOT RED HOT!"