Red jokes

Roses are red, fishers are fishing,

I really hope you’ll be reported missing.

Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.

What do you call it when Red Sox can't pull out?

Boston cream pie.

What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head!

What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?

They both died with red rings.

I am a God. Na, na, na, na, na, na. Yeah.

She's got makeup by the mirror in her bedroom, Thigh-high fishnets and some black boots, Nose pierced with the cigarette perfume, Half dead, but she still looks so cute. She is a monster in disguise, And she knows all the words to the trap songs, Takes pic's with a cherry-red lipstick, Says she only dates guys with a big..., mmm

In America, there was a boy named Urhan, and he had one hand and a stump, and a girl named Handa who was an orphan. They had a trial for the Boston Red Sox, and they failed because Urhan couldn’t stump the ball, and Handa didn’t know where home was.

Roses are red, violets are blue, she is hot, but you're as ugly as poo.

Roses are red, I have a blister, holy shit did you just cum in your sister?

What did they give Elmo before he left the factory? Two test-tickles.

I SH so much, even when I die and become a ghost, you can see red stripes floating around the room.

Doctor Seuss break up lines:

"One fish, two fish, blue fish, red fish, I'm breaking up with you, bitch."

Roses are red, violets are blue, there are kids in my basement, you'll be there soon.

What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?

A baby in a blender.

Yo mamma so dumb that she jumped off a building after drinking Red Bull.

How Chinese is COVID? About the same as those red MAGA hats made in China.

What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?

...A girl scout that got hit by a car.

What is the best thing about a gipsy on her period?

When you finger her, you get your palm red for free.

What's black and red/read all over? A baby skunk with a bad case of diaper rash!

The teacher asked a young boy in primary school, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"

To which the boy replies, "No."

The teacher then sets his homework to learn the alphabet.

At home, the boy goes up to his mum, who is on the phone, and asks, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"

"Shut up," she replied.

The boy goes to his dad, who just won the footie match, and asks, "Can you teach me the alphabet?"

But the dad is too busy celebrating and shouting, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"

The boy goes to his big brother and asks him to teach him the alphabet.

But his brother is singing, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"

The boy goes to his sister and asks her for the alphabet.

But his sister is singing, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"

The next day the teacher asks him the alphabet.

The boy replies, "Shut up."

"Alright, I'm sending you to the principal's office right now."

The boy replies, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"

In the office, the principal says, "Who do you think you are?"

The boy replies, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"

The principal now says, "How do you think you'll get away with this?"

The boy then replies, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"