Red jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue, If I slapped you, that’d be animal abuse.

Roses are red, give me some limes, boy dies after masturbating 42 times.

If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?

In Washington D.C.

Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."

Roses are red, violets are blue; blood's thicker than water, so yeah, I got you.

Roses are red, violets are blue, You're so flat we can play chess on your chest!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, In every step you take, My support stays true.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your smile's warmth, Lights up my view.

Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.

Roses are red, violets are blue. I thought Voldemort was ugly, then I saw you.

How to turn on an Indian: push the red button.

What's the difference between red wings and old cassette tape players?

One eats tape while the other eats pussy.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Your wife needs Jon Grudon, too.

Roses are red, Violets are fine. Why is your life So much better than mine?

Roses are red, Violets are blue, In this world of chaos, I find peace with you.

I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.

Why are tomatoes red? Because they contain the carotenoid lycopene!

XD RawR woof woof bark bark UwU meowwwww ROFL LMAO LOLOLOOLOLOL KEKW KEKW PEPELASUGH

An emo girl dyed her hair red.

Where does her hairline start? Her wrist.

My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.

It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.