Red jokes
Roses are red, the Jews hate goys,
Union of Creepy Janitors (UCJ) opposes school choice.
Roses are red, violets are blue, feminist pussy stinks, and yours does too.
Roses are red, give me some limes, boy dies after masturbating 42 times.
If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?
In Washington D.C.
Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.
Peasants
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.
Yo mama's cheeks are red, I don't know why.
Teacher's pen is RED, our pen is BLUE, she is marking an EGG on my marksheet, left with questions and no CLUE.
Why is Mars red and not orange? Because it would be too bright.
Why are tomatoes red? Because they contain the carotenoid lycopene!
XD RawR woof woof bark bark UwU meowwwww ROFL LMAO LOLOLOOLOLOL KEKW KEKW PEPELASUGH
Roses are red, violets are violet. I mean, come on, it's literally in the name!
White Russians, do you mean red, white, blue, and dead White Russians?
Guys, I'm back...
Here's my joke:
What is blue and red all over?
Blood in the water of a shark attack victim.
What's red and got makeup all over?
A Bill Cosby victim.
What's young, red, and has hot PTSD?
Prince Andrew's victims.
When I aim this trigger, it all goes red.
Do you have a bounty 'cause you got a "M" on your head?
Red sky at night, shepherd's delight.
Blue sky at night, day.
Hi guys, I'm back! So I have a question for you. What is red and smells like blue paint? Type in comments what you came up with.
Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.