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Red

Red jokes

Serial killers be like: "Blood is red, veins are blue, next one is YOU."

Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset. She said it's too small, so that's all. But later that day, he wanted to say, "Every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lying." She started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all. Everyone said, "Fly away big chunky balls."

ok this isn't a joke but it's funny.

Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when it's stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, It's not what you think, it's a lipton tea bag.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

Roses are red, life has no meaning, voices in my head, are constantly screaming.

Roses are red,

my life is a disaster,

the children are fast,

but the combine is F A S T E R!

Roses are red, Obama is well spoken, I'm sorry sir, but the ice cream machine is broken.

Little Red Riding Hood says to the wolf: "What a big dick you have!"

Wolf: "The better to f*** you with!"

Sususususususu su usus u sussu susu susus us ususususus sususus red sussy amogus susususususus.

What did the traffic light say to the other?

"Hey, stop looking at me! I'm changing!"

Wolf looks like a fox.

It has the sharpest claws.

It has a bushy tail.

To eat, it doesn't fail.

It has a coat of red.

My grandmother has said,

It hunts in search of food.

It is never, never good!

Roses are red, I sniff marijuana, I have five fingers, The middle one is for your vagina.

The teacher asked a young boy in primary school, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"

To which the boy replies, "No."

The teacher then sets his homework to learn the alphabet.

At home, the boy goes up to his mum, who is on the phone, and asks, "Can you tell me the alphabet?"

"Shut up," she replied.

The boy goes to his dad, who just won the footie match, and asks, "Can you teach me the alphabet?"

But the dad is too busy celebrating and shouting, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"

The boy goes to his big brother and asks him to teach him the alphabet.

But his brother is singing, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"

The boy goes to his sister and asks her for the alphabet.

But his sister is singing, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"

The next day the teacher asks him the alphabet.

The boy replies, "Shut up."

"Alright, I'm sending you to the principal's office right now."

The boy replies, "Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!"

In the office, the principal says, "Who do you think you are?"

The boy replies, "I'm Michael Jackson, I'm Michael Jackson!"

The principal now says, "How do you think you'll get away with this?"

The boy then replies, "In my big red car, in my big red car!"

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    • I'm pretty socially awkward when talking to girls, so I watched a video on how to keep conversations going.

    The guy said to try and find things that remind you of something else and talk about that. For example, "that oak tree over there reminds me of the one we used to climb in my backyard as a kid. It used to be so much fun... and so on."

    So next time I was having a conversation with a girl, I saw a red truck. So I said, "that red truck reminds me of the time my house burned down when I was 6." She said, "oh, and the fire trucks came to your house?" And I said, "no, I was getting molested in a red truck when my house burned down."