Red jokes
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped, and spit. “It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels,” he said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. “Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in steel vats.”
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said, “It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!”
What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?
A baby in a blender.
What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.
What's red and green and goes 100 miles per hour? A frog in a blender.
Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."
Roses are red, violets are blue, don't let your kids next to Prince Andrew.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Tory shirts step in doodoo.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Mike Pence's hair is made of glue.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel had wine and cheese while your loved ones died in the ICU.
Roses are red, her name is Lily, she bends over, and said "HARDER, DADDY!"
Roses are red.
Your passports are blue.
Now go stand over there,
In that very long queue!
Roses are red, violets are blue, it's really no wonder your mama left you!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I buttfucked Scooby Doo.
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
Roses are red, violets are blue, The children are fast, But Elmo is faster, Bow down to your master!
Roses are red, violets are blue, Old man Jeffrey touches the youth.
Roses are red, I have a confession:
A man kills best friend after 10hrs anal sex session.
What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.
When red do be sus, though.
Y'know, I never knew Obi-Wan Kenobi participated in an anime, "Snow White with the Red Hair," up until now.