Really jokes

Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?

I guess it really IS all in the execution.

Q. What's red and pink and spins around really fast? A. A baby in a blender.

Katy Perry can't sing, can't dance, doesn't write music, is unbelievably ugly, and is unable to decipher maths or science. Really though, I didn't realize going down on a record executive would later lead her to be one of the people able to go to space.

What word starts with n and ends with r and you wouldn’t wanna call a Black person?

You really thought n****r, didn't you?

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"

I like your cut, G.

*Slaps really hard*

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?

They both get really high.

I love sucking on food because if you really think about it, tits can be counted as food, so I could technically suck on a woman's tits.

I’m really good at algebra. I can replace your X without even asking Y.

A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."

The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"

The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."

Marriage is really educational.

When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.

I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.

What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?

"Damn, that's really stiff!"

Hey, you there, were you raised on a chicken farm? 'Cause you really know how to raise a cock!

What's the difference between a pizza and a guy you really hate?

One won't scream when you remove their meat.

So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.

“What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.

“Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.

So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”

“Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”

How do you really piss off your girlfriend while having sex?

Call her on the phone.

"My friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat, and what happens next is really weird."

The tongue gets stuck in his throat and starts to guh-guh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever again...:/

Donald Trump is, like, really orange.