New Randomness Jokes - Page 3

I just wanted to write something random

And now my wife is dead

Any body have nothing to do? Well here is a prank that you'll never forget!

( Btw I never actually did this irl yet)

So tell your parents at night to come in in about 30 minutes cuz your legs hurt and you need them rubbed. So when they come in, pretend like your sleeping and right before they go out shout: NO! Then they will look at you but you'll be sleeping. (The idea is that you'll be sleep talking.) Then you start to cuss and say the most random things like: Hey you can't chew my cud it's mine, plus, you even went swimming today at that damm lake! Also say something like: YOU SON OF A BITCH! *swat in the air once* Then say: Why a made your f*ckin' bed today you stupid parents! *swat three times* And btw try and not smile as hard as it may be cuz they will be looking at you weird. And try to open your eyes just enough so you can see them. And depending on the tipe of parent you have they may wake you up by then or they will get interested and start laughing! Any way, then say: That mother f*cker that lives across the street just said I was ugly, you should do something about it(sibling name) ______. And also say: And if you happen to know where the nearest store is then that would be helpful. Then say: No Hulk! Leave me alone I love you! *swat twice*. Then say: Uncle Timmy Tom you are such a nude nick.(my dad made up the word nude nick, it just means crazy and annoying ) Then settle down and lay on your stomach in your "sleep" and make it look like you putting the blanket on you more, but irl it would probably be to hide a smile! I think I will stop there cuz I don't think any one could hold in there laughter that long and if you feel like you can hold out longer then just make something up.

I hope you guys can do this and it goes well for you! Please comment! Byeee!

Unknown be like: Wah wah I'm too scared to talk to girls in real life so I bully random tweens I find online to make me feel better...what a shame.

Random person: "Just turn the page and start over."

Me: "I'm not sure if you're telling me to be gay or uhhhh die but both are good options."

One random youtube comment in 2018: Soon, A virus will come to earth A year later: Pahahahahah that comment is fake lmaoooo ahahahha Another year later: Time to die a painful death. Another year later: God has come with the cure

Time for a random Terraria joke Q: Why did the guide die at his house? A: The player dropped his doll in the lava. (WALL OF FLESH HAS AWOKEN) :| Oh crap

I told my dad that I’m gay he replied ‘’no your retarded”,then he went off to kiss a baby

Dumb kid: What does homework mean?

Teacher: J0K35? (J0K35 is me btw) can you explain to DK what homework means please?

Me:

Half Of My Existence Wasted On Random Knowledge

Me: *listening to music under a tree and smiling*

Random person who sees me: Awwww look at him, he looks so so happy ^w^

Me: *actually listening to depressing music that makes me wanna kill and end myself but just smiles to show that everything's gonna be fine even if it won't*

a random drunk person ate poop but he found out it was liquid...

Mom: Wake up!

Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...

Mom: Why are you disappointed?

Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...

Orphan: I want to kill my parents Random kid: I don’t think you have the facilities to do that big man

Random kid: yo mama so stupid that she brought a spoon to the super bowl. orphan:what's a mama? Random kid: *shook

Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg. P1: Why did the chicken cross the road? P2: To get to the other side DUH?!? P1: No dumbass, its to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me). P2: Holy shitr u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*

everyone when we're in the cafeteria singing happy birthday to some random person: Happy birthday to you.., Happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear____, happy birthday to u Me in the background: Happy deathday to you..., Happy deathday to you, happy death day dear___, happy death day to you!..

I named my dog "5 miles" so when I walk him, I can say I walked 5 miles.

Random guy: I ran over 5 miles.

a guy saw a person with a duck and said "where did you get a pig" the owner replied "its not a pig dummy" the random guy said "i wasn't talking to you,i was talking to the duck"