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Jesus

Anonymous

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.

“Correct,” says the teacher.

The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.

“Correct again,” says the teacher.

The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”

Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”

White

Nathan Claunch

A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”

Sleep

PapaPony

Stephen Hawking’s death was purely accidental. He clicked “shut-down” instead of “sleep”.

Wife

Big Boss Tom

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

Puns

Anonymous

I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.

Daughter

Tyler

One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, “Just because you killed the butterfly, you don’t get butter for a week.” They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, “Nice try.”

Puns

Anonymous

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? – It was a grave mistake.

Nun

Josephi krackouski

What do you call a private nun.

Nun-o-yo-business

Son

Anonymous

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. – But he’s still making fun of me.

Fire

Splittingmean

Sixty years ago Stephen Hawkings teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams kids reach for the stars.

Man

Anonymous

what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?

you find the real one.

Fire

Anonymous

Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exersice. They got up into the air and Jim said, “okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want.” Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, “I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire.” Allyn said “what?” As he looked over at Jim.

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Born

Lucas

It said to submit a joke and thats what my mom did when i was born

Puns

Ducky Anonymous

One day a man was fixing a car, an he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, “hmm, this tastes pretty good!” So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like “dude, this can’t be healthy.” But he said “Don’t worry. I can STOP anytime.”

Happiness

Robert

I accidentally bumped into a midget yesterday. Me; "Are you ok sir?" Midget; "Well, I’m not happy." Me; Well, which one are ya?

Cry

Brick

My friend said onions only cry so that’s why I threw a coconut at him

Sister

Aiden

heres a list of puns not all of them are mine

1.Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.

2.Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.

  1. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.

  2. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.

5.Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”

6.Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!

7.Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!

8.How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!

9.That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!

10.My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!

People

Sneakyjew

People are like trees… They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe

Sleep

Anonymous

Stephen hawkings death was completely accidental…

He pressed shut down instead of sleep

Difference

A riddle joke

Little red riding hood has to deliver food to her gramma again. She can drive now because she is sixteen. One the way, she accidentally took the wrong way and got to a different forest where her gramma lives now. She found the wrong cottage that looked liked her gramma’s home. When she opened the door, she found her younger and older sisters of ages 9, 11, 18, and 22. How old is Little red riding hood?

Answer:16

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