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One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, “Just because you killed the butterfly, you don’t get butter for a week.” They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, “Nice try.”

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.

“Correct,” says the teacher.

The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.

“Correct again,” says the teacher.

The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”

Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”

I tried to explain to my 4 year old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. – But he’s still making fun of me.

I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.

Stephen Hawking’s death was purely accidental. He clicked “shut-down” instead of “sleep”.

Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? – It was a grave mistake.

Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exersice. They got up into the air and Jim said, “okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want.” Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, “I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire.” Allyn said “what?” As he looked over at Jim.

a boss comes in and accidentally farts he says “a little gas never killed anyone!” the jewish man then left in tears

What do you call a private nun.

Nun-o-yo-business

what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?

you find the real one.

One day a man was fixing a car, an he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, “hmm, this tastes pretty good!” So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like “dude, this can’t be healthy.” But he said “Don’t worry. I can STOP anytime.”

My friend said onions only cry so that’s why I threw a coconut at him

Sixty years ago Stephen Hawkings teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams kids reach for the stars.

People are like trees… They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe

It said to submit a joke and thats what my mom did when i was born

I accidentally bumped into a midget yesterday. Me; "Are you ok sir?" Midget; "Well, I’m not happy." Me; Well, which one are ya?

When your uncle drops a nickel but the only thing he really drops is his pants

Where you born on the side of the highway because that’s where all mistakes happen

The reason he died is that they accidentally flipped the wrong light switch.