Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday", then they want to give you a spanking.
I wanna tell you guys a joke about a broken pencil.... But it’s quite point less
Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.
A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it. The genie says "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guys says "Well I've always wanted to drive out to hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, Is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says "Well I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women. The genie thinks for a few moments and says "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"
dissabled man- stands up
blind man- “you can stand?”
deaf man- “you can see?”
mute man- “you can hear?”
dissabled man- “you can talk?”
doctor- “what the actual fuck”
other doctor- “FUCK THIS I QUIT!”
I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job, and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them. The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush
So apparently, Hitler's dad was quite the abusive fellow, always beating his son.
Guess that's why he's called (Hit)ler.
As a straight son one day I ask my mom have your ever quit in something that you did before. My mom said no I never quit in anything. So ask my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said what did I say quitters are for spitters.
I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames
quite kid reaches down and class starts running quite kid: whats wrong pulling out my co
Children, and your meat are actually quite similar. At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.
Did you know, curing boredom is quite simple. For instance, you could pretend to be an apple by tying a rope around your neck for a stem.
I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday..lets just say i quit my job as a butcher
U r quite
I met a really greedy oyster. It was quite shellfish.
(wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing) i have said this countless times but it doesnt seem to be getting through to u; quit hating on particular jokes. U dont like it? Nobody cares. Dont go into the morbid jokes category u idiots ffs
I quit my job at the bank today I lost interest.
