Quit jokes

Why did he quit the internet?

People kept on (rick) rolling him.

Here’s another joke my friend told me.

What did the school shooter do when the librarian told him to be quiet? Pulled out a silencer.

Why is falone mentally disabled?

Who knows, and quite frankly, who cares?

Did y’all hear about the increasing divorce rate because people are addicted to Fortnite?

They’re just two weeks to quit.

Roses are red, oranges are orange.

Get a life, quit watching porn.

"OK, son," he says. "It's as easy as counting to 5."

1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.

From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying, "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4."

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!

Quiet kid reaches down and class starts running.

Quiet kid: What's wrong? Pulling out my...

It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.

As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."

I wanna tell you guys a joke about a broken pencil...

But it’s quite pointless.

Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.

Disabled man stands up.

Blind man: “You can stand?”

Deaf man: “You can see?”

Mute man: “You can hear?”

Disabled man: “You can talk?”

Doctor: “What the actual fuck?”

Other doctor: “FUCK THIS, I QUIT!”

The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."

The students said, "Oof, that is sad."

The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"

The students said, "Your parents."

The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.

One morning, Peppy and George came downstairs for breakfast, but they got a plate of juicy bacon. Their dad had recently gone missing, so they ate it quite sadly.

The next morning, they went to school and asked their teacher, "What is bacon made out of?" The teacher replied, "Pigs, why?" Peppa and George looked horrified.

Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.

The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.

Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!

I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.

Mom says: "I will go kill myself."

Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*

Some time later me fighting with my mom:

Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"

Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"

Lesson?

So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?

Your mom has quite the mouth on her.

As I found out last night. Oh, what a night!! 😏 😉 😜