The 90+ Best Quit Jokes

Why did he quit the internet? People kept on (rick) rolling him

How did Caillou quit his party?

He had to Cancer it.

why did the out of shape cow quit her job she got tired of jumping over the moon

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging. -- Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.

It was soda-pressing.

I am a big fan of whiteboards I find them quite re-markable

one time the quite kid hacked the speakers in a school next thing you know it pumped up kicks by Foster The People starts playing

why did the hooker quit her job?

she had a nut allergy

Mom: Quit making suicidal jokes!

Me: Dont worry, it will all be over soon mom!

Mom: ❓❓❓

Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted? It was quite a shocker.

I would like to say Hitler gave two fucks about his people

But quite Anne frankly I'd be lying

Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box: super cauliflower, eggs but cheese was quite atrocious. (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory? -- She was fed up with the hole business.

I was on the train today and saw a cow on it it was quite strange until i realised it was Alfies mum

Here’s another joke my friend told me.

What did the school shooter do when the libraryin told him to be quit? Pulled out a silencer.

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."