Quit jokes
Did you hear about the terrorist comedian?
He was actually quite funny...
He just blew the delivery.
(I'll show myself out).
My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared.
I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy--and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.
A teacher says, "What comes before 47?" Quiet kid: "AK!"
My wife asked me to please quit singing "Wonderwall" in the shower.
I said, "Maybe."
I once met a skeleton. I asked if I could tell him a joke. He agreed. I told it to him. He found it quite “humerus”.
I’m rather relaxed about death.
From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
Why did Dad Man quit acting?
I don’t know either.
"Give me a cigarette," the condemned man said.
"I thought you quit," replied the guard.
"I did, but I don't think it matters anymore."
When recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.
Conversely, you can recycle a condom quite easily: just turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it.
The quiet kid, orphan, and school shooter walked into a bar, and he ordered a beer.
Your hairline is so far back that when your teacher puts you in the front of the class, your hairline is quite in the back.
Yo mama so fat that when she saw Thanos and he tried to snap her out of existence, it didn't work, and he said, "Man, I quit!"
What do you say to an upset German?
Quit being such a sauerkraut!
Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.
I like whiteboards.
They're quite re-markable.
In fields of gold, where sunshine beams, Monkeys swing and play, it's their dreams. Their fur so soft, their eyes so bright, Picking cotton with delight.
Their little hands so quick and neat, Plucking the cotton, can't be beat. They chatter and laugh, they dance and play, In the fields all day, they'll stay.
Their tails so long, their ears so big, They're quite the sight, it's quite a gig. They're busy as can be, you see, In the fields of cotton, they're free.
So let us marvel at these little thieves, In the fields of gold, they give and receive. Their antics bring us joy and delight, In the fields of cotton, they're always right.
Boy: Mom, why are you drinking this disgusting red soup? I wanted salad.
Mom: Quiet, son. We only get this once a month.
Stop ruining the jokes. It's called "worst jokes ever" for a reason. We all feel bad for orphans, but people like dark humor and joke about everyone, so quit being offended, please.
I molested a child today, and it felt quite lovely on my penis! 👍
What did the mustard say to the ketchup? "Quit running so fast, let me ketchup to you."