Put Jokes

Yo mama is so hairy that she brushed it like her hair and put pins on it.

I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?

When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."

I went on a ballooning holiday recently. I put on four stone.

My sister said download "Among Us" on my iPad, so I did. Then she taught me to play. Then she told me a code and told me where to put it, and I typed in the code.

Then she was the imposter, and I was a crewmate, so I was sticking with her, and she killed me when we made it to the medbay.

An image from the game Among Us with a black crewmate pressing the emergency meeting button. The text on the image reads: "WHEN MY BROTHER PUTS THE MILK IN FIRST" and "EMERGENCY MEETING".

Teacher: Ok kids, time to go home.

The orphan: What is home?

Teacher: Here, I have somewhere for you.

*puts in trash can*

What's your mom and a dog got in common?

Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.

You're so ugly, when you put makeup on, it makes you look like a clown.

What is red and puts out fire?

Your momma's so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the ocean.

Man: Could you hold this for me?

Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*

Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!

Your mamma's so stinky that perfume leaks where she puts it on.

Stop putting up bad jokes, boi!

Enemy: You know, I saw you walking down the street, and at first glance, I thought you were a fat and ugly bitch.

Me: Strange... Who puts a mirror in the middle of the street?

How did pioneers name Canada?

They put a bunch of letters in a hat and pulled out three. The first one was "C, eh?" The second one was "N, eh?" The last letter was "D, eh?"

That's how they named "C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?"

If you think Tracy Latimer's murder was in any way justified, put on your helmet 'cause you're about to miss the short bus.

My son asked me, “What is angel cake made of?”

I reply by listing the ingredients in Mr. Kipling angel cakes. Then he shouts “STOP!” I stop as I reach food colorings. He slowly crawls towards me and says in a whisper, “Well, in my angel cake, I put angels in them.”

I freaked out about this, so I calmed down and asked who did you put in this angel cake. He said, “Grandma, the one who died last Saturday.”

Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.

Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?

Class: A cow says mo mo.

Teacher: Good.

Teacher: What does a sheep make?

Class: A sheep says maa maaa.

Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?

Little Johnny: A pig says "Put your hands up and get agenst the wall you black mother fucke*."

Hi, this is a good prank I did.

So, my brother LOVES his phone and so... I put it in the toilet and then flushed it, but it wouldn't go down. So, then I gave it to him and he threw it and then it broke. HAHAHAHAHAHA

(Prankster, tell me if you don't like me doing pranks because it is your thing.)

Bye guys! I hope you liked this prank! (And his phone did not really break, it just cracked really bad lol)