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I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

What does a sad cowboy and a supernatural fan have in common?

Both want to put a Winchester in their mouth.

Why did the Vampire put his son up for adoption?

He thought his son sucked!

I got banned from the library for putting a book about woman's rights in the fantasy section.

I got kicked out of a library because I put a book about women's rights into the fantasy section.

Why are people mad at me? All I did was tell the truth and put the Bible in the fiction section of the library.

There are 10 million million million million million million million million particles in da universe that we can observe.

Yo mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd.

What is the difference between a woman and my fridge?

Only one moans when I put my meat in it.

Did you know the giraffe’s hooves are the size of dinner plates? Too bad they would have nothing to put on them!

True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe.

(Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers; each person spins it and tries not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not. You point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger.)

You're so skinny that when you're driving, you have to put the seat forward to reach the pedals. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yo, hairline been missing so badly that the police had to put up a wanted poster for it!