Puns
How do poets say hello?
Hey, haven’t we metaphor?
Q: What did the man say after removing another man's hat? A: He was decapitated.
Q: Why did the fault line start acting crazy?
A: Because it was on crack.
Me and my receding hairline? Believe me, we go way back.
A lumberjack goes to a person's house.
Then he realized the tree was too big and was stumped and had to leaf.
My hips can't move, but Heineken.
What color is a burp?
Burple!
Why did the chef flip a pancake? Because he was a tosser.
What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?
A coward.
A pecan is motivated because pe-can do anything.
Sans, you lazybones, get up and do something.
Sans: I am doing something.
Papyrus: Oh yeah, what?
Sans: Thinking up a skele-ton of jokes.
Papyrus: SANSSSsSsSsSssSsSSsSsSsSSsSSsSsSsS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will end you.
Sans: What, does someone not have a funny bone? Oh wait, do you have a bone to pick with me? I have 206.
What kind of clothing should you wear on “hump day”? Camelflouge.
Seven days without a pun makes one weak.
What do you call a chicken that catches ghosts? A poultrygeist.
Q. What do you call a biracial kid in a vegetative state?
A. A mixed vegetable.
What did the stepdad say to the flower? You're grounded!
Why did I giggle?
Because I saw the ocean's bottom.
I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.
What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?
I was in a maze and I got to the end and they congratulated me. I said that was a-maze-ing!