Puns
Paper.
Aww c'mon! I thought my joke made the cut!
A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
What did the bottle of conditioner do on the toilet?
Shampoo.
When you see a deer, what do you say?
"Oh deer!"
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom? Because he had no BODY to go with...
I could have said a skeleTON more jokes, but I think that might break your funny bone.
Dark humor is like food: Not everybody gets it.
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
"Knock knock?"
"Mustache."
"I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later!"
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.
How does an artist fill in a CV?
He draws on experience.
That camping trip was in-tents.
I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.
Sand under docks is very resilient. It doesn’t give in to pier pressure.
Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.
My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
Don't drink and park.
Accidents cause people.
Why didn’t the girl like stairs?
They were always up to something.