Puns

Dark humor is like food: Not everybody gets it.

I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.

Why didn’t the girl like stairs?

They were always up to something.

Sand under docks is very resilient. It doesn’t give in to pier pressure.

That camping trip was in-tents.

Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.

How does an artist fill in a CV?

He draws on experience.

"Knock knock?"

"Mustache."

"I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later!"

Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.

No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.

What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.