Puns

Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?

Because he is always talking about his honey.

Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom? Because he had no BODY to go with...

I could have said a skeleTON more jokes, but I think that might break your funny bone.

What do you call a bunch of Aboriginals rolling down a hill?

Abo-lanche.

Dark humor is like food: Not everybody gets it.

I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.

Why didn’t the girl like stairs?

They were always up to something.

That camping trip was in-tents.

Sand under docks is very resilient. It doesn’t give in to pier pressure.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

How does an artist fill in a CV?

He draws on experience.

Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."

What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.

Don't drink and park.

Accidents cause people.

I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.

"Knock knock?"

"Mustache."

"I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later!"

Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.

No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.

What kind of jeans do you wear to church?

Holy jeans!

Joke.

What is a penguin without a pen? A guin...