Puns
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
What do you call a bunch of Aboriginals rolling down a hill?
Abo-lanche.
Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom? Because he had no BODY to go with...
I could have said a skeleTON more jokes, but I think that might break your funny bone.
Dark humor is like food: Not everybody gets it.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
What do Will from "Stranger Things" and the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air have in common? They're both named Will, and their lives both got flipped, turned upside down.
Don't drink and park.
Accidents cause people.
How does an artist fill in a CV?
He draws on experience.
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.
No one wanted to hear my ocean puns, they said they were too fishy.
"Knock knock?"
"Mustache."
"I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later!"
Hot shingles in your neighborhood wanting to get nailed.
That camping trip was in-tents.
I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.
Why didn’t the girl like stairs?
They were always up to something.
Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."
Sand under docks is very resilient. It doesn’t give in to pier pressure.
What kind of jeans do you wear to church?
Holy jeans!
What is a penguin without a pen? A guin...
My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.
Well, because it's impastable.