Puns
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese. Okay, I can't do this anymore.
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
What do you call a farting boxer?
Gaseous Clay.
Are you made of Gallium and Yttrium?
Because you are looking a little bit GaY.
I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A trombone.
I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
What did the banana say to the peel?
“Let’s split!”
When does it rain money?
When there's a change in the weather.
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
That joke and paper have one thing in common: they're both tearable.
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
They finally made a movie about a clock, about time.
A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
What did the bottle of conditioner do on the toilet?
Shampoo.
Paper.
Aww c'mon! I thought my joke made the cut!
When you see a deer, what do you say?
"Oh deer!"
What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?
You got off clean.
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.