Puns
My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
What do you call someone that illegally transports cups? - A s-mug-gler.
One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.
What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?
It's none of your business!
A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.
He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.
Q: What is the opposite of 'Dominos'?
A: Domi doesn't know!
Are we supposed to submit jokes?
This website.
Also, how did Trump's wall let this website in?
My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!
What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?
Uranus!
(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.
You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.
Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.
Have I told you the joke about the airplane? Ah, forget it, it probably just went over your head.
My dick itches.
I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.
Joe, I wish you had never asked me to scout for a fresh tight end.
Scree.
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
Yeet.
What dinosaur loves music?
The velociRAPtor!