How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
Puns
I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction.
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
What did the banana say to the peel?
“Let’s split!”
When does it rain money?
When there's a change in the weather.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A trombone.
I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
That joke and paper have one thing in common: they're both tearable.
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
Do you know why I hate pedophiles?
They are fucking immature kids!
What did the bottle of conditioner do on the toilet?
Shampoo.
Paper.
Aww c'mon! I thought my joke made the cut!
They finally made a movie about a clock, about time.
A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
When you see a deer, what do you say?
"Oh deer!"
Why can't Pooh Bear catch a date?
Because he is always talking about his honey.
Why couldn't the skeleton go to the prom? Because he had no BODY to go with...
I could have said a skeleTON more jokes, but I think that might break your funny bone.
What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?
You got off clean.
What do you call a bunch of Aboriginals rolling down a hill?
Abo-lanche.
