Puns
What do you call a farting boxer?
Gaseous Clay.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese. Okay, I can't do this anymore.
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
What do you call a short person that goes to school?
A Sammie.
I wanna tell you guys a joke about a broken pencil...
But it’s quite pointless.
I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction.
When does it rain money?
When there's a change in the weather.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A trombone.
I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
What did the banana say to the peel?
“Let’s split!”
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
That joke and paper have one thing in common: they're both tearable.
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
Paper.
Aww c'mon! I thought my joke made the cut!
What did the bottle of conditioner do on the toilet?
Shampoo.
They finally made a movie about a clock, about time.
A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.