Puns
Have you heard my cherry joke? It's pitiful.
Have you heard about the canoe sale down the road? It was an ordeal.
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
What do you call a farting boxer?
Gaseous Clay.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese. Okay, I can't do this anymore.
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
What do you call a short person that goes to school?
A Sammie.
I wanna tell you guys a joke about a broken pencil...
But it’s quite pointless.
I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction.
When does it rain money?
When there's a change in the weather.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A trombone.
I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
What did the banana say to the peel?
“Let’s split!”
My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.
That joke and paper have one thing in common: they're both tearable.
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
Paper.
Aww c'mon! I thought my joke made the cut!