Puns
I just busted a nut. A ginger nut.
Joke.
How many times do you tickle an octopus to get it to laugh?
Ten-tickles!
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
Because he got hit by a bus!
What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?
A bull in a china shop.
Josh: Tell me something funny.
Mark: My life.
I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!
I told my friend to watch Naruto. It's been a week since I've seen him. Hope he comes back in one piece.
Two Trojan warriors were patrolling the streets of Troy at night. It was finally time for their duties to be relieved. When they went back to their houses, one Trojan fell in a puddle. "Nitrogen!" The other called. And the other responded coldly, “Good night.”
What do skeletons say before they eat?
Bone appétit. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
During WWI and WWII, the infantry would use shovels as weapons and to dig trenches. I bet they really dig that weapon!
My brother can't wait for spring... he wet his plants!
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.
I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.
He one day said his business was "remarkable."
John Cabot was the first to explore the Coast of Labrador. After he left, he realized that he had forgotten something and had to go back to get whatever it was. This made him the first Labrador Retriever.
A swan, a goose, and a penguin walked into a bar... I ducked.
Why can't you tell a joke in a corn maze?
Because there's too many ears.
If museums are full of dead things...
Then why aren't there any memes inside them?
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."
My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.