Puns
What kind of bug lives in a graveyard?
A zom-BEE.
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.
What do you call a dinosaur that likes subtraction?
A galiminus.
Don't flirt when there is Life Alert!
Edna: Hey there big boy!
Big boy: You need to stop doing this.
What do you call a stick with a string on the end of it?
A fishing pole.
Enough with the Hitler jokes. They make me Fuhrer-ious!
Two men walk into a bar, no clue how they didn't see it.
A pecan is motivated because pe-can do anything.
Why did the toad cross the road?
To show his girlfriend he had guts.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
Sans: Why couldn't the skeleton go to prom?
Papyrus: Why? AND YOU KNOW I HATE PUNS!
Sans: Because they had NO BODY to go with.
Papyrus: THAT IS ENOUGH!!!
Sans: Sorry, didn't mean to GET UNDER YOUR SKIN.
Papyrus: YOU HAVE MADE ME MAD TO THE BONE SANS......wait
Sans: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.
What did Google Translate say to Siri?
"Why are you so Siri-ous?"
Have you heard my cherry joke? It's pitiful.
Have you heard about the canoe sale down the road? It was an ordeal.
I once had clothes that were so unbearably uncomfortable,
but I never realized they suited me.
I have a really good construction joke, but I’ll have to post it later because I’m still working on it.
Why did the cumulonimbus not show up for work?
Because it was on strike.
I would tell you a joke about a slice of pizza, but it's really... cheesy. I donut think you will come up with a better pun than this.
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.