Puns
I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.
I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.
A pecan is motivated because pe-can do anything.
Enough with the Hitler jokes. They make me Fuhrer-ious!
Two men walk into a bar, no clue how they didn't see it.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
Sans: Why couldn't the skeleton go to prom?
Papyrus: Why? AND YOU KNOW I HATE PUNS!
Sans: Because they had NO BODY to go with.
Papyrus: THAT IS ENOUGH!!!
Sans: Sorry, didn't mean to GET UNDER YOUR SKIN.
Papyrus: YOU HAVE MADE ME MAD TO THE BONE SANS......wait
Sans: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
What is the same between water and dark jokes?
Not everyone gets it!
Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.
I once had clothes that were so unbearably uncomfortable,
but I never realized they suited me.
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
What did Google Translate say to Siri?
"Why are you so Siri-ous?"
Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.
I have a really good construction joke, but I’ll have to post it later because I’m still working on it.
How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
I would tell you a joke about a slice of pizza, but it's really... cheesy. I donut think you will come up with a better pun than this.
Have you heard my cherry joke? It's pitiful.
Have you heard about the canoe sale down the road? It was an ordeal.
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
What do you call a farting boxer?
Gaseous Clay.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese. Okay, I can't do this anymore.