Puns

My wife still misses me...

But her aim is getting better!

Is your fridge running?

Why yes, it is!

Then you better go catch it!

I have a joke about construction.

I'm still working on it.

Why was the obtuse angle hot?

It was more than 90 degrees.

Your mom, bro! XD Roasted! Lmfaoooooooooo!

My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!

Wood-fired pizza.

How would pizza get a job now?

What do you say when you wake up to the police trying to arrest you?

“C'mon, did ya really think I’d resist arrest?”

What do you call a funny drink?

Punch!

Do you know where time is? Because it keeps flying by.

So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"

Mooning is very astrological!

The other day I lost all my crayons.

I just wish I had a shoulder to cray on.

America: I'm going to build a wall.

Nazi: Been there.

Soviet Union: Done that.

Hana?

I asked my rigger buddy if he could tie me up later, he said, "I'm a frayed knot."

Today was a bad day. There was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy!

What do you call a dwarf with ESP that escaped a prison?

A small medium at large.

Hey updog!

What's updog?

(Laughter)

So you know "The Lion King."

Do you remember Simba?

Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.

So I told him to Mufasa.