Puns
A duck walks into a bar. The duck says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "NO!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No, and if you say that one more time I will nail your bill to this bar!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." The duck says, "Well then, bartender, got any bread?"
You know, most people take rocks for granite... sorry.
I told my sister a Dairy joke.
She said it was cheesy.
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."
Why are mountains always tired? Because they don't Everest.
What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.
Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft, and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
Which Roman emperor was a mouse? Julius Cheeser!
What do you call Hitler in a pool? Adolfin.
What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.
What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.
What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?
Answer: A bath bomb.
How do you think the unthinkable? With an iceberg.
Confucius say:
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."
Can February march? -- No, but April may.
One day a computer said to another computer, "Why are you so dumb?"
The other computer replied, "Because I have low memory."
Where can you never take an orphan to dinner?
Family restaurants.
Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin' my dick.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
What kind of bee can't fly?
A KOBE.