Puns

I wonder if the sun is going to rise every morning. Then it dawns on me.

Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.

I went into a forest with my sharp laptop with F13. Now I'm a real HACKER.

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It might take a while for me to get hard because I just got laid last night.

I don't put ketchup and mustard on my hotdog, I relish it.

As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?"

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two ;)

Why tie when you can knot?

I told my mum the refrigerator was running, so she got dressed and ran after it...

Pete: Knock, knock...

Paul: Who's there?

Pete: Boo...

Paul: Boo who?

Pete: Don't cry, it was only a joke!

Paul: I'm going to cry! It was such a bad joke!!!

The shovel is a ground breaking invention.

*Slaps and laughs*

What kind of beer is an orphan's favorite?

Foster's!

Why did the teddy bear decide not to eat the turkey?

Because he was too stuffed.

Succcccc.

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bartender here?"

What happens when you eat salmon with Nutella?

You get salmonella.

So I went to the gym and I found a hymn.

What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.

How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.