Puns

A guy saw a person with a duck and said, "Where did you get a pig?"

The owner replied, "It's not a pig, dummy!"

The random guy said, "I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to the duck."

I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.

Farmer: Phew! I got all the eggs from the chickens!

Farmer #2: EGGcellent!

What do you call a fish that can use a katana? A salmon-rai.

My friends used to poke me at weddings and say, "You're next."

So I started poking them at funerals and saying, "You're next" to my friends.

I smell up dog in here.

"What's up, dog?"

Nothing much, how about you?

What do you call a country with nukes?

Abomination.

I did a ton of work today, a skele-ton.

I had the best butterfingers yesterday.

I dropped it.

I almost got run over by a car.

For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.

Why did the toad cross the road?

To show his girlfriend he had guts.

What do french fries 🍟 do when they meet? They ketchup.

What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.

It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

Have you heard of bees? They're bee-utiful!

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

Do you want to know the most racist game? Chess. You wanna know why? Because they never let black go first. I wonder why... lmao.

A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.

Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"

The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."

What do you call a steak that tastes bad?

A MISsteak.

What did Google Translate say to Siri?

"Why are you so Siri-ous?"