Puns
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it was stuck in a crack.
What did one tree say to another in a crisis? Don't leaf me when things get bad.
Mom: Go water the plants.
Me: But it’s raining outside.
Mom: Go grab the umbrella.
Me: What???
What happened to the egg after it went on the rollercoaster?
It was scrambled.
Don’t fart in an Apple Store.
It has no Windows.
Why are Asians so bad at baseball? ... Because they ate the bat!
If museums are full of dead things... Then why aren't there any memes inside them?
What did the spaghetti say to the sauce? Pasta la vista!
Knock knock. Who's there? Ach. Ach who? Bless you!
Maybe I’ll be Tracer.
I’m already Tracer!
Hi, my name is Bob.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone? Because he got hit by a bus!
One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
So I was making slime, so I put glue, and a lil' pump of lotion and slime activator. Ahah, lil pump, get it?
What do you call Aston?
Asston.
Oofer.
When the Mexican wanted to go shopping,
he went to Ja-mall.
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the worst dam program I've ever seen.
Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."