Puns

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."

The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."

A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.

I tried to think of how lighting works.

Then it struck me!

How many wives does Santa have?

Ho Ho Ho!

I’m reading a book about Anti-Gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

I was boiling some water and said, "Water, you will be mist!"

What did the watch say to the failing watch company?

"You better watch it!"

What do you call a girl with only one leg? Eileen.

What about an Asian girl with only one leg? Irene.

I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.

How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?

You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?

An irrel-elephant ;)

Q. You know what really bugs me?

A. Insect puns.

I tried out some puns to make people laugh, but no pun in ten did.

What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?

A waist of time.

I had a joke about pizza, it's just too cheesy.

This website sucks, it never cites the correct information.

Two's company, cheese a crowd!

I tried to find a camouflage shirt, but I couldn’t find one.

How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!

Last night I had a dream about fishing poles, turns out it wasn't reel!