Puns

What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!

A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.

I tried to think of how lighting works.

Then it struck me!

How many wives does Santa have?

Ho Ho Ho!

I was boiling some water and said, "Water, you will be mist!"

I’m reading a book about Anti-Gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

What do you call a girl with only one leg? Eileen.

What about an Asian girl with only one leg? Irene.

What did the watch say to the failing watch company?

"You better watch it!"

I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.

How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?

You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.

Last night I had a dream about fishing poles, turns out it wasn't reel!

Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?

'Cause it's a car-PET.

What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?

A pickle.

I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

I tried to find a camouflage shirt, but I couldn’t find one.

How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!

Q. You know what really bugs me?

A. Insect puns.

What do you get when you cross a belt and a watch?

A waist of time.

I told a cookie a joke the other day.

It just crumbled.

Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!