Puns

If museums are full of dead things...

Then why aren't there any memes inside them?

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg, and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, "Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants."

The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts."

I tried to think of how lighting works.

Then it struck me!

A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.

What's a duck's favorite drug?

Cwack.

How many wives does Santa have?

Ho Ho Ho!

I’m reading a book about Anti-Gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

I was boiling some water and said, "Water, you will be mist!"

What do you call a girl with only one leg? Eileen.

What about an Asian girl with only one leg? Irene.

What did the watch say to the failing watch company?

"You better watch it!"

I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.

How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?

You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.

Question: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?

Answer: Damn!

Why is the most popular food at a baseball stadium pancakes? Because everybody likes a good batter!

Last night I had a dream about fishing poles, turns out it wasn't reel!

Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?

'Cause it's a car-PET.

What kind of veggie is always getting itself into a hard situation?

A pickle.

I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

This website sucks, it never cites the correct information.

How many people does it take to change a lightbulb underwater? The results are shocking!