Puns
A duck walks into a bar. The duck says to the bartender, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No." Then the duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "NO!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any bread?" The bartender says, "No, and if you say that one more time I will nail your bill to this bar!" The duck says, "Hey bartender, got any nails?" The bartender says, "No." The duck says, "Well then, bartender, got any bread?"
Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!
You know what pun is used for "waist?"
Nothing. You'll find nothing.
It's just a waste of time.
My girlfriend broke up with me this morning, and we just started dating yesterday.
Now she's having a breakfast.
These are bee puns.🐝
I BEElieve you are eager to hear!🐝
I love to BEE a little 9 years old writing on this page.🐝
(Last one) I want to BEEcome a BEE. ;-; I kid... Like this now and please Subscribe to Kelly Qin on YouTube and she is my mom and she has a bake channel!
What's the difference between dad jokes and bad jokes?
The letter b.
So, I tell my friend a pun about Bach. She freaks out. Then I say, "I hope that wasn't too much to Handel. Don't let it Strauss you out."
For all of my musicians out there!
What's a depressed person's least favorite type of cereal?
LIFE.
I really want to beat the living daylights out of you, but it's not worth getting the wooden spoon for garbage.
What do you call chill legumes?
Hippeas.
I had a dog with an eating disorder.
He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.
I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.
Riddles not jokes.
What has 4 legs but cannot walk?
What has bark but no bite?
There's a one-story house in which everything is orange. Orange walls, orange doors, orange furniture. What color are the stairs?
What has holes but can carry water?
What is in front of you, but cannot be seen?
What is something you have inside you that is pink, but cannot be seen?
What can you catch but not throw?
And last one:
What can rule, but not command?
Tell me the answers in the comments.
Like 90% of this was from this link: https://parade.com/947956/parade/riddles/
One more thing: Don't google it or search it up, use your brain to answer these.
What do you call an athlete who injured 75% of his spine?
A quarterback.
Q: What happens when a pig plays tug-of-war?
A: Pulled pork.
Why was the short person a coward? They didn't stand up to challenges.
"Fish, why you no fly?"
"I don't like being caught naked."
A Texan and an Alaskan walk in a room. The Alaskan says, "My state is bigger than yours." The Texan says, "It won't be when it melts!"
Why do nuns walk in groups?
So one “nun” can keep an eye on the other “nun” just to make sure that she isn’t getting "nun".
Why did Spider-Man decide to buy a laptop?
So that he could design his own “website.”