Puns
I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
Why can't dinosaurs clap? Because they're dead!
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a registered 6 offender.
What do you call fallen water? A waterfall.
I sucked a dick.
Isn't eating a clock time-consuming?
My girlfriend broke up with me because of my pasta fetish. I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.
What did the Queen Bee say to the other bees? "Beehive yourselves!"
Why do mermaids wear seashells?
They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.
Wanna hear a terrible joke?
Paper
Pretty tear-able, huh?
Your face.
What do you get if you add "ER" onto Hamburg?
Hamburg-ER.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because...
My son said, "What rhymes with orange?"
I said, "No, it doesn't!"
My ceiling isn't the best... But it's up there!
"Koalafications" are irr-elephant.
What do you call a funny family of chairs? A sitcom!