Puns
When my dog barks, he gets ruff.
When my dog starts to bark, he starts to get ruff.
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
The shovel is a ground breaking invention.
*Slaps and laughs*
Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
I ain’t a chicken, but I ate a duck before.
Why wasn’t the duck afraid to cross the road? Because he wasn’t chicken!
The boy ran into the gym, why?
Because he wanted to ketch-up with everyone. Also, he got pun-ishment from his "momster."
How do you make antifreeze?
You steal her blanket.
We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.
This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"
"Of course," she says.
The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"
The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"
A war isn’t about who is right, it’s about who is left!
What did the basketball say to the Frisbee... "No balls."
What's white and rhymes with Dre? Eminem.
What's the most horrifying video in the world?
Logan Paul vlogs.
I wanted to get brain surgery.
I changed my mind.
What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? - Iceberg.
Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine!
Black dog is gay.