Puns

How do you close a cabinet?

You closet! Hahahhyaahhahaaahhahaha!

Can I tell you a cat joke?

Yes, 'cause it's purr-fect.

What does a nosey paper do?

It gets "Jalapeño" your face!

What makes a bird fly?

Bird food!

I was going to write a joke about my penis, but it was too lång and overused.

You know, I got a SKELETON of these jokes. All are HUMERUS. Yeah, this gets under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening. Hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!

Why did the bike fall over?

Because it was two tired!

I’m working on a good pun, but it makes no one laugh.

Why?

I don’t have a clue.

What happens when a frog parks illegally?

It gets toad.

I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.

What were Brian Cant's last words before he died?

"I used to do it, but now I cant!"

My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!

What did one needle say to the other?

"You be looking sharp!"

The other day I lost all my crayons.

I just wish I had a shoulder to cray on.

What do you tell a dead metal fan?

Rust in peace.

TheOdd1sOut is odd to meet.

Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?

What did the mommy tomato tell the little tomato?

You better ketchup!

What do people say when they're fighting?

"Water!"

When you mix a wizard, a rabbit, and a songwriter together, you get 24 carrot magic.