What happens to a cannibal who shows up late for dinner? He gets the cold shoulder.

Why are birds good at social media?

Because they "tweet" all the time!?

I guess this is pretty plane.

I am sorry I am just winging it.

Wow, I guess these jokes haven't taken off.

Wow, I just landed that one!

What did the mechanic say to the other mechanic when he broke the car?

"How will we wrench ourselves out of this?"

I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?

My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.

A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?

On the COWch (couch).

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  • I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.

    Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.