Pull jokes
A Make-A-Wish patient wanted to see Black Panther IRL, so I pulled his plug.
I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.
If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?
Your hairline got pulled back. You look like you've been climbing Chris, and you got smacked up by Will Smith.
"Bob it, twist it, pull it, hit it, turn it, twist it, slide it."
Jonny went to Disney and they had sour balls. He asked the cashier for some and he pulled down his pants.
What do you call it when Red Sox can't pull out?
Boston cream pie.
When you lock the door, but you realize it's a pull open door!
What did the skeleton pull out from behind his ear?
Nothing. Skeletons don’t have ears.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?
At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.
Why can't a Leicester fan pull girls? He can only do the fox trot.
My nuts hurt; if you pull them, I will scream.
My nuts tickle; scratch them, and I won’t like you no more.
What's the worst part about getting old?
Going to pull up the wrinkles in your socks, just to find out you're not wearing socks!
My Premier is so fat she has her own gravitational pull.
I hate school. I mean, why can't you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone, including the teachers?! This generation is too soft, man.
I’m gonna put my AR 15 up your fucking ass and pull the trigger!
My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.
Gregg says to his friend, who is a girl, and says, "Hey, umm, do you, umm, want to do something?"
And the girl says, "Umm, sure, why not?"
Gregg says, "Well, then we have to go somewhere secretive."
The girl says, "Umm, well, ok."
Gregg says, "Great!" So Gregg brings Sally to a tree so no one can see them, and then Sally says, "So what are we going to do behind this big tree?"
Gregg says, "Well pull down your pants, and I'll show ya."
Sally says, "Ok, it sounds fun!" And then Gregg pulls his pants down and tells Sally to lay on the ground. Then he puts his dick in Sally's pussy, and he goes up and down, up and down, up and down, and then Sally starts to moan more and more, and then suddenly a teacher hears her moan, and then the teacher sees what Gregg and Sally are doing, and then the teacher gets in on it, and both Gregg and Sally start fucking the teacher, and then the teacher moans, and then the whole school makes their own sex groups, and the whole school has threesomes...
THE END
Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.
Son, he is dinner.