Pull jokes

What’s the difference between a microwave and a 10 year old girl?

The microwave doesn’t fart out blood and diarrhea when you pull your meat out.

I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"

What does a refrigerator and a gay male have in common?

Only one farts when you pull the meat out. 🌝🌝🌝

What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.

Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.

Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.

Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.

Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?

Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.

Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.

Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.

Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?

Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?

Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor.

She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor!" she said.

"S’truth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber."

They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we can’t do it!" Cobber said, "So let’s try Plan B."

"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "What’s that?"

"I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.

"Spot on!" Bruce said, "While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples."

"Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"

"No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper."

He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.

Yo mamma's so fat, she had to pull down her pants to get to her wallet!

Lady: Will you fuck me?

Man: No, I don’t have a penis.

Lady pulls down man's pants and looks in them. "Yes, you do!" she says.

Man: Oh, I forgot it was there.

What do gum and guns have in common?

When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.

My friend dreamed of being a porno star.

He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.

The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!

What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?

"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"

There's only one reason our Education Minister is standing by this curriculum.

In her religion, you NEVER pull out.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

Someone pulled his ethernet cable (he died of a blue screen)!

I’d tell BlessedBrian to aim for the stars, but it seems like his GRAVITATIONAL PULL is holding him back.

Pulled pork? Yeah, I cranked my hog today, too.

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to pull a permit, one to schedule the inspector, and one to change the bulb.

I pulled my kid out of school after a woke teacher taught my six-year-old about pronouns! Yesterday, it was "he/she," today, "they/it," tomorrow, "I/you/we!"

I was going to charge my phone, so I pulled a plug and put it in. Then, my grandpa wasn't breathing anymore.