Pronunciation jokes
"Herro, I cannot see my eyes."
"Spell ICUP."
The reason I love Stephen Hawking is because they roll off the tongue so nicely.
Tell someone to say "alpha" and then "kenny one". Tell them to say it very fast. Tell them it sounded like they said, "I'll fuck anyone!"
Say "urine egger" five times fast.
How do you stun a Scotsman?
Ask them to say "purple burglar alarm".
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? "Tie won shu."
What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?
In the U.K., it's a swear word.
In America, it's a family reunion.
Funny how "Hawking" rhymes with "talking" and "walking," and he can't do either.
And the first four letters of his Christian name spell "step," and he also can't do that.
What kind of pizza do Asians get?
Prain.
I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.
Kid: Dad, where do you work?
Dad: I.C.U.P.
Kid: HAHAHAH!!!! See you pee.
Say "ocean" 5 times and you say "oh shit!"
How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."
American-accented, British pronunciation, what am I?
Either Canadian or European.
Say "traffic," and replace "r" with "h." It sounds like... that thicc.
Uranus is pronounced "ur anus."
Say "I cup" but in words.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent.
A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."
The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)