Priest

Priest Jokes

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What happens when you throw an underaged boy between two catholic priests? They fight and... You know the rest.

2

My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say

So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.

In front of the whole church I said did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.

31. During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento" When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

32. Two crows were in a field when they noticed a figure that looked like a man in the distance. "See that over there? What is that?", says the first crow. The second crows takes a long look, "That's a scarecrow. Looks authentic, doesn't it." "How can you tell it's a scarecrow and not a person?", replies the first crow. "Look at it's hand. No cellphone", says the second crow.

33. Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish. “I want to go home,” says the first friend. The genie grants her wish. “I want to go home, too,” says the second friend. And the genie sends him back home. “I’m lonely,” says the third friend. “I sure wish my friends were back here."

34. A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. “Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?” “I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”

35. After Sunday church, the priest would hand us each an orange and a big cookie. A little girl once lied and took two oranges, but the priest told her she mustn't lie because God is watching. Then, the girl took two cookies and lied about it. When asked why she had done that, she said because she thought that God was only watching oranges.

36. I was in my garden when I got the news that my father had fallen from a 20 feet ladder and was in the hospital. I rushed to the hospital expecting that my father had some major fractures, but he was alright except for some minor cuts. When I told him that it was a miracle, he disagreed and told me, "Son, I had just fallen from the first step of the ladder."

😫 😂 😑 🤔 😳 😬 😑 🙄 🥴 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍺 🍸🍸 🍸🍸 🍸🍸 🍸 🍸 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷 🍷🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🥴 🐴 🐴 🐴 🐴 Why did the pope drink horse piss because a priest asked him what would he do for a klondike bar 🤪 😜

A PRIEST AND A RABBI RUN OUT OF A BURNING BUILDING

priest: What about the children Rabbi Rabbi: Fuck the children! priest: Do we have time?

A Girl walks into the church and confesses..

Girl " Forgive me father for i have sinned"

Priest "How have you you sinned may i ask?"

Girl " I called a man a son of a bitch"

Priest " Why did you call a man a son of a bitch?"

Girl " He held my hand '

Priest " Like this? ( he holds the girl's hand)

Girl " Yes father"

Priest " That does not explain why you called a man a bitch"

Girl " He started taking off my clothes "

Priest " Like this? " ( He takes off the girls clothes)

Girl " yes father "

Priest " that also doesn't explain why you called the man a bitch "

Girl " Then he took off his clothes and put his you know what into my you know what "

Priest " Like this? " ( he puts his you know what into her you know what )

Girl " YES FATHER !! YES FATHER !!!

Priest " Then what? "

Girl " Then he got up and left me naked "

Priest " THAT SON OF A BITCH!! "

What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists? 5% of atheists have seen a ghost 5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy

If you mixed the iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad what would you get? Tony Abbott's career

A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid." The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what??"