Priest Jokes

What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?

They both like to dump their loads into little kids.

Whats the difference between a Silver Medal and a Priest?

They both came in a little behind.

I was raised a Catholic and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate".

I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"

A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him "What are you doing?!" Exclaims the priest

"There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

The priest shakes his head

"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" He says

"Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school."

Man walks up to a priest. The man says "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says "No you are not my son." The man says " Follow me." The man walks into the bar and the bartender says "Jesus Christ your back!"

Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.

What do you call a catholic priest who molests children? A catholic priest

What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?

One is Catholic

What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest

The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing and kneeling; I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!

There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard, the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills." grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence." grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."