Priest Jokes

How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.

What is a priests favorite song --Magic flute in A minor

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. ”

St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister Responds “Well… there was this one time… that I kinda sorta… touched one with the tip of my pinky finger…” St. Peter says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.

St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well…. There was this one time… that I held one for a moment…” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”

A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him "What are you doing?!" Exclaims the priest

"There is nothing on this Earth for me." The Muslim says "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

The priest shakes his head

"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" He says

"Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school."

Whats the difference between a Silver Medal and a Priest?

They both came in a little behind.

What do you call a catholic priest who molests children? A catholic priest

What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest

What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.

Whats similar between a priest and McDonalds?

They both shove their meat inbetween 10 year old buns

What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?

One is Catholic

Man walks up to a priest. The man says "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says "No you are not my son." The man says " Follow me." The man walks into the bar and the bartender says "Jesus Christ your back!"

Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.

A priest, a rapist, a pedophile and a homosexual walk into a bar...

He orders a drink.

The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing and kneeling; I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!