Priest Jokes

7 people online
Mr. Priest
in Red

What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing his mouth was full.

8
Anonymous
in Religion

What is the difference between a Catholic priest and Acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.

Anonymous

Say all you want about priests but at least they drive slowly in school zones

What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?

They both like to dump their loads into little kids.

Anonymous

What do you call a catholic priest who molests children? A catholic priest

6
ShadyEugene

girl: daddy ive been a bad girl priest: for the last time its father I have sinned

Anonymous

They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:

Thou shalt not f... altar boys

4
Anonymous
in Offensive

Whats similar between a priest and McDonalds?

They both shove their meat inbetween 10 year old buns

BOB

Whats The Difference Between A Rabi And A Priest One Cuts Them Off And One Sucks Them Off

1
Anonymous

What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.

Valentin

Why do priests appreciate educated children? They don't spit.

0
Rubbin'

There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.

Matt, "Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife"

Priest, "how so?"

Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything just rubbed each other, that's all"

Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"

Matt, "okay i promise not to see her again"

Then Matt walks out the door

Priest, "Hey I saw you! you didn't put any money in the donation box!!"

Matt, "Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in"

The_Hagseed
in Jesus

One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?", the priest asks. "Christian kittens", the little girl answers. Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way. A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box", he says, "It's the cutest thing!" The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens", she says. The priest rushes forward and says "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were "Christian kittens!!!" "They were", she says. "Now their eyes are open".

4

What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest? nothing... they both stick their meat in ten year old buns.

Anonymous

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"

To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?

0
Anonymous

A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church and the Priest says "what about the children" the rabbi says "fuck the children" and the Priest says "do you think we'll have time

4
Anonymous
in People

What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father in law

2
Person

Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

6
fatass phil

what type of meat do priests eat on good friday? Nun

Anonymous

On a hot summers day a famous celebrity tweeted " it is a beautiful day and I`m deciding which kid to have fun with today" to which the local priest replied " I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today".

3