I was raised a Catholic and my priest told me when I was 12, “God is watching you when you masturbate”.

I said, “Is God a pedophile too, Father?”

Why do priests appreciate educated children? They don’t spit.

Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.

What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?

“Let us prey together.”

Whats the difference between a Silver Medal and a Priest?

They both came in a little behind.

What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest

What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common - They both like fairies sitting on them.

I hated church growing up as a child, it was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!

Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.

On a hot summers day a famous celebrity tweeted " it is a beautiful day and I`m deciding which kid to have fun with today" to which the local priest replied " I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today".

What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father in law

What does a priest hold on to when having sex. He holds on to the schoolbag.

What to gift a child molester , who already has everything ? A bigger county with more believers

What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest? You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid’s until he’s 13 years old.


What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing his mouth was full.

A priest, a rapist, a pedophile and a homosexual walk into a bar…

He orders a drink.

What does mcdonalds and Catholic priest have in common

They both put their meat in 10 year old buns

Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT GET OUT!" Priest: "Ok, what about the children?“ Father:“FUCK THE CHILDREN" Preist:” Do you think we’ll have time?”

What’s the similarity between Catholic Priests and Mcdonalds ? They both like sticking there meat in 6 year old buns.