Priest jokes
Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.
Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.
Priest
What is a priest's favorite song?
-- Magic Flute in A minor.
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
Why can't Heaven and Hell ever be one 2nd paradise?
Heaven always has 5-star reviews.
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
Say all you want about priests, but at least they drive slowly in school zones.
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”
St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.
St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.
Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”
What’s a priest's favorite sport?
Golf, because most of the holes are less than 18.
A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him.
"What are you doing?!" exclaims the priest.
"There is nothing on this Earth for me," the Muslim says. "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"
The priest shakes his head.
"Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" he says.
"Follow me, I'll take you to the local primary school."
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
What’s the difference between a priest and target?
Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
A man walks up to a priest. The man says, "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says, "No, you are not my son." The man says, "Follow me." The man walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back!"
What do you call an orphan who became a priest?
Father-less.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
nothing... they both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.