Priest Jokes

A little girl beinng Girl: "Forgive me Father for I have sinned"

Priest: "What did you do Child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"

Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"

Boy goes to Confession Boy " What are you doing father" Priest "Its called masturbation and soon you will be doing it" Boy " Why do you say that father" Priest " Cause my hand is getting tired"

Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.

What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?

They both like to dump their loads into little kids.

Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.

How does a priest purify water?

Boil the hell out of it

what do u call a preist in a room full of naked boys a Colonoscopy

Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT GET OUT!" Priest: "Ok, what about the children?" Father:"FUCK THE CHILDREN" Preist:" Do you think we'll have time?"

What is the difference between a Priest and a Doctor

The Doctor doesn't like to give physicals.

I was raised a Catholic and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate".

I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"

What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?

One is Catholic

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi, the rabbi cuts it off the the priest sucks it off

What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?

"Let us prey together."

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. ”

St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister Responds “Well… there was this one time… that I kinda sorta… touched one with the tip of my pinky finger…” St. Peter says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.

St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well…. There was this one time… that I held one for a moment…” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”

What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest

What does a priest hold on to when having sex. He holds on to the schoolbag.

A priest, a rapist, a pedophile and a homosexual walk into a bar...

He orders a drink.

What do gay guys and priests have in common

They are both gay in there Own ways

they put the woman's rights in the fantasy section in the library

What does a priest and a clown have in common?

They both make children cry