Priest Jokes


Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.


What’s the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?

One is Catholic

in Religion

I was raised a Catholic and my priest told me when I was 12, “God is watching you when you masturbate”.

I said, “Is God a pedophile too, Father?”

fatass phil

what type of meat do priests eat on good friday? Nun


what do u call a preist in a room full of naked boys a Colonoscopy


What’s the difference between a priest and a rabbi, the rabbi cuts it off the the priest sucks it off


Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT GET OUT!" Priest: "Ok, what about the children?“ Father:“FUCK THE CHILDREN" Preist:” Do you think we’ll have time?”


What is the difference between a Priest and a Doctor

The Doctor doesn’t like to give physicals.


So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.


What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest? Father Les.


What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest


What did the priest say to the other in the orphanage?

“Let us prey together.”

in Religion

A priest, a rapist, a pedophile and a homosexual walk into a bar…

He orders a drink.


Say all you want about priests but at least they drive slowly in school zones

Anonymous wiwey

Why is that kid walking like that?, Oh, he’s an alter boy

What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?

They both like to dump their loads into little kids.

Dads are like boomerangs, I hope.

A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. ”

St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister Responds “Well… there was this one time… that I kinda sorta… touched one with the tip of my pinky finger…” St. Peter says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.

St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well…. There was this one time… that I held one for a moment…” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.

Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”


What does a priest hold on to when having sex. He holds on to the schoolbag.


Have you heard of the new sequel to “the exorcist”?

A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son

What’s the difference between a priest and target?

Nothing, they both have children’s pants half off.