Priest jokes
There are Three Sons: Journey, Korean, and Little Joe. They were trapped on a floating island, and a priest gave them each one wish.
The first son wished to go back to the ground. The Second Son wished to go back to the ground. The third son was lonely and wished for his two brothers to come back to the floating island.
Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.
What's the difference between a penis and the bible? Nothing, the priest shoved them both down my throat.
So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.
Why is that kid walking like that? Oh, he's an alter boy.
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Any last requests?" "Yes," replied the murderer, "Will you please hold my hand?"
A priest, a rapist, a pedophile, and a homosexual walk into a bar.
He orders a drink.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.
What does a priest hold on to when having sex?
He holds on to the schoolbag.
What does a priest and a clown have in common?
They both make children cry.
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
Why do priests appreciate educated children?
They don't spit.
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.
The priest is in jail now.
Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.
Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."
Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.
There was a man named Matt that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, "I am here to tell you my sins." He was all for it and said, "Go ahead."
Matt, "Father, last night I almost cheated on my wife."
Priest, "How so?"
Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything, just rubbed each other, that's all."
Priest, "RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! For your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box!"
Matt, "Okay, I promise not to see her again."
Then Matt walks out the door.
Priest, "Hey! I saw you! You didn't put any money in the donation box!!"
Matt, "Yes I did. I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in."
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."